Author: C. Kays
Editors: J. Hollendonner, S. Woien
4 minute read…

 

“We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality” – Seneca

 

The human experience is full of terrors. Children hide under their blankets to protect them from the boogeyman that is waiting to strike from underneath the bed. Teenagers wake up with their stomach in knots over a big presentation they have to give that day for a class, while their parents are up all night, tossing and turning in bed, worrying about how they will be able to afford next month’s rent. Fear is a driving force in our lives, but all too often it holds us back from being our best selves.

Perception is Key

One of the biggest ways fear can manifest in our mind is the uncertainty of the future. We simply do not know what will be the outcome of any event in our lives. We might have a good idea, sure, but there is still that one percent chance of things going astray. This can lead to overthinking, intense worrying and anxiety, and outright avoidance because we do not know things will turn out. Such tactics impair our ability to live lives to the fullest.

The only thing we can control is how we perceive the world around us and what we put out. When we are confronted with the emotion of fear we are analyzing this situation as dangerous or intimidating. We are comparing ourselves to the outside world. Once we start to look inward we can find that the problem is not in and of itself scary, it is just another situation we are confronted with. What we are afraid of is how well equipped we are to face this problem.

Plan for Success

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” – Marcus Aurelius

As Stoicism teaches us, we can only control ourselves and our perception of the environment we are in. If we instead take that energy we use for worrying and fear, and transfer it to planning for future events, we can mitigate those feelings as much as possible. We can sit all afternoon worrying about how our presentation will go, or we can rehearse what we are going to say. Instead of stressing about if a plan we have will fall short or not, use that time to come up with backup plans. This will give us the feeling of control when we feel helpless.

Humans crave control and it is only natural to want to be in control every second of every day. However this can become exhausting. We can only plan so much before we are hyper fixating on every single detail of our lives, which is not healthy. Planning is only meant to serve as a cure for the immediate wave of negative thoughts that flood into our minds. At the end of the day we have to let things happen the way they are going to happen. The universe is not malleable to our will.

Once we let go of the control these emotions have on us, we are free to live our best lives. Fear is an intense emotion that can help us take inventory about how we are feeling throughout the day, but we cannot let this feeling stop us from moving forward. Instead of thought-spiraling, we can focus on what we can control to make sure what we want to happen is what will be the most likely outcome. After that, breathe and let life happen. Go with the flow and enjoy the ride.

 

Challenge: Make a list of things that you are afraid of in your life. These can be as small or as big as you want. It could be that you are afraid of making that doctor’s appointment or applying for that dream job of yours. Whatever they are, write them down. Then once you have your list, pick one to focus on and make a plan on how you can accomplish this task and make it easier on yourself. Break every simple worry down and try to mitigate it. This shouldn’t take longer than an hour, just long enough for you to have peace of mind and a basic game plan.

 

Photo Credit (From Top to Bottom): “Darkened Corridor” by Sharat Ganapati, “Perception” by Alix May