Author: J. Hollendonner
Editors: C. Kays, S. Woien
5 minute read…

“For it is not continuous drinkings and revellings, nor the satisfaction of lusts, nor the enjoyment of fish and other luxuries of the wealthy table, which produce a pleasant life, but sober reasoning, searching out the motives for all choice and avoidance, and banishing mere opinions, to which are due the greatest disturbance of the spirit.” – Epicurus, Letter to Menoeceus

We often spend our days seeking to fill some void. What most of us don’t realize is that our habit to do so is an overlooked opportunity, because what we truly seek is some sort of freedom from wanting. Some of our desires are realistic; others are not. Yet, we seem to want so many things: more hours in the day, more sleep, more food, more friendship, more love and so forth. For example, we work to pay the bills, afford a lovely home, and provide for our families. Yet, what we truly wish for is to spend time with them or simply to come home refreshed instead of exhausted. There are few quick fixes that we might turn to for relief. How about a glass of wine and a bag of chips, while binge watching a television series? We seek instant gratification to make us feel better. But what if there was another way? What if it was so simple it almost made us laugh?

The Inner Search for Peace


Epicurus, in his Letter to Menoeceus, reminded us that the pleasure we seek is ultimately “freedom from pain in the body and from trouble in the mind.”

The Philosopher Epicurus by Agostino Scilla

Thus, a solution might be to find pleasure in being. 

If we were to truly look a bit deeper into the things we do throughout the day, we might see that there is something disquieting about our motives. How often do we cut someone off in traffic because we had an argument with a loved one? The feelings in such situations often come from somewhere else; they, for example, have nothing to do with the beleaguered mother of five in the minivan rushing to get her kids to school on time. If we take a moment to inquire about what motivates us, we might find ourselves delving deeper and wondering what we really desire. Oftentimes it is reconciliation, recognition, or simply a hug.

Self-inquiry is one of the most difficult things a person can do. It is simply against our modern ethos. Yet, Epicurus reminds us that self-inquiry gives us the ability to find safety, tranquility, and peace. Isn’t that what we all want deep down? To feel comfortable in our own skin. To feel worthy. To feel love. But if we knew that we already had these things, then perhaps we might be able to pause before honking the horn, cutting someone off, or flipping the bird. In realizing peace is what we seek, we begin to see it’s what we all seek. Once we realize that others want the same, it humbles us. We can stop fighting, stop seeking, and just be.

The Essentials of Pausing

When we can resist giving into immediate pleasures, we are able to see what is truly important and that everything we need is within us. The answer may vary slightly from person to person, but ultimately the goal is tranquility. Some of us might think we are too busy for such inquiry, too important to pause and think, or perhaps, we are somehow smarter than this simple fact, but the truth is that the longer we fight it, the more challenging our lives become. 

Look for those people in your life who seem naturally at ease. What is their secret? Do they pause before making a rash decision to understand what is motivating them? Do they avoid guilt, shame, and fear by making the harder choice not to act? We likely know someone like this. It may come more naturally to some than others, but this ability is available to us all, and to achieve it, we must begin to pay attention. For once we start becoming aware of our inner desires and thoughts, we begin to see where we react too quickly, or decide too hastily. We begin to get uncomfortable. Yet, through discomfort lies the edge of change. Change can be daunting, but the peace we seek is worth it.

To achieve the tranquility we seek, we can practice the art of pausing. Take those moments throughout the day where nothing is being asked of you, whether it be in the car on the way to work or in the bathroom before getting the kids ready for school to pause. Pause and consider what you desire and in what ways you can ascend to your truest self. As Epicurus reminds us, “Meditate therefore on these things…night and day…and never shall you be disturbed waking or asleep, but you shall live like a god among men. For a man who lives among immortal blessings is not like a mortal being.”

Challenge: Sit with your thoughts (no cellphone or other technological distractions) for just long enough that something you deeply desire comes to the surface–whether it be a nap, a nutritious meal, or an opportunity to connect with a friend or family member. What does this tell you?