Author: C. Kays
Editors: J. Hollendonner, S. Woien
4 minute read…

Emotions give our bodies certain sensations. When we feel joy we are overwhelmed with warmth, much like feeling the heat of the sun on our face on a beautiful spring day. Sadness is more like a pit or a void, devoid of human contact and numbingly cold. Anger, however, is a spark. It is a little flame that spawns in our chest and radiates outward to our face and limbs. And just like in the forests of the world, a flame is a dangerous thing if left to its own devices. It can grow to an inferno that sweeps through and destroys the world around it. Anger acts in the same way. If not controlled, your anger can cause harm to those around you.

“The greatest remedy for anger is delay” – Seneca the Younger

Anger is a powerful emotion and a strong tool for us humans; a lingering adaptation in response to a threat. If something wants to cause us harm, anger gives us the strength and adrenaline to stop those threats. This feeling of aggression was key to our survival. However, if you are lucky enough to live in a community where you do not have to be constantly worried about being attacked, you have the privilege to navigate this intense emotion safely.

Anger is Natural 

Once we feel anger, we must understand why we are angry. Is it because we are in danger of being physically hurt? If not, then we can de-escalate our own anger to a manageable level. Now, are we feeling angry because someone has done something that could have caused us harm? While it is right to feel angry because of the potential harm from someone else’s foolish actions, it does not do anything to become enraged by those actions. You must remember that you cannot control another person’s actions. Everyone makes mistakes. If someone is rude to you in public two options immediately spring to mind: take your rage and make a spiteful remark, or take a moment to process. Recognize your anger, validate the feelings, and then approach the situation from a reconciliation point of view. That person’s rude behavior may not even be about you.

“When you are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.” – Epictetus

We often expect others to not make mistakes. People cannot make foolish mistakes without everyone judging them. Once we start looking at ourselves, we can tap into something truly human. We start to understand that the human race is flawed. Humans are simply walking around on this hunk of rock, in the middle of this vast void we call space, just trying to make it through the day. Instead of giving into the instant reaction of anger, you can put it towards something productive and healthy. You can think about why this event happened and what could have prevented it. Maybe start there and try to fix the problem.

Transforming Rage

Anger, when controlled, becomes one of the most powerful tools a human can have. When we mold that rage into pure passion, absolutely wonderful things can happen. If you are angry that the street you take to work is always congested, research alternative routes to work or contact your local government to talk about ways to help this issue. If someone you care about keeps trying to talk to you and all you want is some alone time, instead of taking your anger out on them you can politely tell them that you need an hour or two alone, and maybe take a walk or watch your favorite show. 

The skill of being aware of our anger and where it comes from, not to mention refraining from acting on it, is difficult to hone. Of course, this is all easier said than done. Changing habits is one of the hardest things a person can do, but it is possible. All you need to do is take small steps. We know it’s cliche but try the counting to ten method. Once you feel your blood start to boil, take a second to pause and collect yourself, then move forward. If it does not work don’t beat yourself up over it. Remember…humans are flawed. Everyone does not always get it right the first time. Be gentle with yourself and try again. You’ve got this.

Challenge: We invite you all to try to redirect your anger. Next time something sparks that feeling in you, take a moment to reflect. Really feel your emotion and try to remember the thoughts that are going through your head. Connect with that person you are mad at on a human level and proceed with understanding.

Photo Credit: “Fire Pit Firegraphs” by Stephen Dann